Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Too Many Bachelors?

Let me tell you about the men in my life....not the bachelors, but the men. Since these men precede the bachelor rating system, let's go with letters.

There is Bachelor A, B and C. I have known A and B forever. There is always this chemistry, always this attraction but for one reason or another we have never "gone all the way." These are both long stories that can be drawn out, but I'll save the telling for another day. The long and the short of it is that Bachelor B is going to get a divorce. We have known each other for 17 years and have always had this zinging attraction. And I'm scared. Scared to find out what it could be like without all of the other stuff in the way. And then I realized, that if fate plays out like it seems to do with these men, I shouldn't worry. I shouldn't worry because by the time the divorce goes through I'll probably be with someone else....since that seems to be the story of our ships passing in the night.

Bachelor C is another case all together....and for another night.

Let's revisit Bachelor #1 for a minute....

I thought that he was just your average guy and it turns out that he is slimy! He has been involved in some unethical dealings for quite some time. Finding this out, (he told me, I didn't go snooping,) makes me question all the other things that he has told me before.....

Bachlor #4 and are are still talking away...things are cooling off simply due to schedules and time changes, but he holds a soft spot in my heart.

Bachelor #6 has not bit the dust yet...I'm just wishing that chemistry would spark....I know I have to bite the bullet and tell him....but WHYYYYYY? Why can't it work out?

Bachelor #8 has been MIA lately...but that's okay. He is nice, but I'm not holding my breath.

Bachelor #9 who is not so gone....misses me and our talks. Jackass!

Bachelor #10 and I have been talking tons. I have deduced that he is not single yet. I told him to either marry her or get rid of her and that we should set a date to meet in February if he does give her the boot.

Bachelor #11 and I are still playing tag. This is going to go on indefinitely at this rate!

Bachelor #12 asked if I ever made it over his way. HA! Seriously!?!?!?

AND THERE ARE MORE! but not worth mentioning yet....

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Bachelor #6

Okay, so Bachelor #6 called and asked me if I gave his proposal some thought. And I said I did. I calmly explained to him that since we had yet to go on a date, we couldn't very well be exclusive. He sputtered and asked, "What do you mean? We've been on like six or seven dates!" I responded that we have hung out six or seven times, but have yet to go on a date. I said that a date consisted of the guy picking the girl up and taking her out and then escorting her back home at the end of the night. He considered this and then asked if I would be willing to wait until he could give those things to me. (He is finishing up school right now.) I said that I was willing to do that and that in the meantime we could continue to hang out. He then asked me if I was seeing other people. I said that I had talked to other men ( which is the truth!) but had not been on another date. (Mind you this is not for lack of trying...)

Now, we "hung out" again on Wednesday. And I wish that I could feel that spark with him. He is perfect for me in so many ways! He is as smart as I am, patient with me and my hardheaded views, kind, complimentary and I know he would be a good provider....but THERE IS NO SPARK. I was assured of this when at the end of the night I did all I could to avoid a make out session with him so that I could get back to work.


So look for the next post when Bachelor #6 is a memory...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Casual Conversations

OMG! Yesterday was the day from hell! First of all, Aunt Flo is in town so I started my morning crying because I was so touched that Tracy Turnblad made onto the Corny Collins show.... Then I got started late because of all that Spic and Camel blood in me and I thought I was doing well on time but I actually wasn't. By the time I got to the work portion of my day it was 1:00 PM and I should have known that I wouldn't be able to finish everything. I think this is a curse of being perennially optimistic, but oh well. So it all starts to go wrong when I get an estimate on my brakes. As the car is coming off the hoist, I hear a strange crunching sound that can't be good. The jackasses at the shop don't say a word thinking the dumb woman wouldn't know....and I didn't say anything either until I'm driving down Ford Rd. in rush hour traffic and my bumper flies off. So after I circle back and dodge a car or two in oncoming traffic to retrieve it, I called and casually reminded them of the incident. There is a sudden silence coming from the other end. I take advantage of the break in conversation to bring up the fact that I am now sans bumper. So they tell me to come back in and they'll fix it and I feel like telling him he should have fixed it when he broke it, but WHATEVER.

Then Bachelor #6 calls while I'm driving to class. He starts talking and he asks me how long we've been dating. Now right there, I take exception to the word. See we haven't really been dating....we have been hanging out. A date consists of the man picking you up, taking you somewhere and then escorting you home. None of that has occurred. So in my mind, we haven't really been dating. But B#6 thinks we have. Anyhoo, I say that I don't remember when we had our first date (BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T HAD ONE!) and say that we have been talking since late August early September. He comments, "So about two months." And I agree. And then he casually says, "So, are we exclusive?" and I am so speechless that he actually asks me if I am still on the phone! I am still floored. How do I explain that the the activity to date does not merit exclusivity without hurting feelings? Well, my dear reader(s), we all know the answer to this question. Hell no, we are not exclusive! But maybe I need a little more finesse when actually discussing this with B#6.

Finally, the Ex calls and has the balls to oh so casually ask me if I didn't like it when he was just a wee bit too forward. Well, leave it to Aunt Flo! Because I lost my cool and not so casually told him in no uncertain terms that if he mistook my anger for passion he was sorely mistaken. And, that if he thought talking about the great times we used to have in bed (which I am now beginning to think were not really so great) was his version of romance he might as well turn around and start walking in the other direction.

So after this day, it is either cry or casually take myself to the gas station to buy the contraband that I know I shouldn't have...

Bachelor Update:

Bachelor's 1-3,5,7,9 are all gone.

Bachlor #4 didn't show up for our date tonight online. :(

Bachelor #6 is starting to panic. I told him this week was bad for plans. He called today and asked if we could get together and I told him only if it was after 9:00 and a study date. Then he asked about every day this weekend....What is so hard to understand about this blanket statement that this week is bad for making plans?

Bachelor #8 is still overseas but we talk at least once a week.

Bachelor #9 (who is now gone,) pissed me off royally the other day. I was really beginning to like him and then he happens to mention that he is still in love with his ex. Excuse ME!?!?!

Bachelor #10 is missing me a little. I haven't been online and I also made it clear that if he's not going to make a move, I'm not waiting around.

Bachelor #11 and I are still playing tag. Now we're aiming for Monday since my weekend is shot and next weekend he won't be here.

Bachelor #12 did finally ask for the number, but he has yet to use it. MEN!

Friday, October 30, 2009


What is it about ex-boyfriends? Why do they keep coming back to haunt you much like indigestion? My ex phoned me this week and HAD to see me. He missed me like crazy. He needed me. Now that is where I get in trouble, not with his promise to give me a child...(because I would have a better chance of picking up some stranger at a bar and getting a better gene pool,) but with the needing part. I'm a sucker for being needed.

So, like a fool, I saw him. And I'm having a hard time letting him down easy. Of course he tried to get in my pants. And while I can't say I wasn't tempted, (it has been a looooooong time since I've done the horizontal,) I just wasn't interested.

The rules of the game have changed and he just doesn't seem to be catching on. He's telling me that life is short and we should take advantage of the moment. I'm thinking, "Really?!?!!?" Because if you ask me, he was the one who ended it. He was the one who kicked me out and said don't come back. And if he really wants me back, some serious wooing has to occur. And last I checked wooing is not grabbing my ass and telling me in graphic terms what he wants to do to my body. Where are the phone calls and the flowers and the dates?

To be honest, I don't think he can do it. And to be even more honest, I'm really not all that interested. I gave up everything for him at one time. I lost my family, my job, many of my friends and he didn't appreciate that sacrifice in the least. So now, I have gained all that back again and I'm not willing to make that mistake a second time. My family detests him and my friends aren't his biggest fans either. I'm happy and I know I deserve better that what he has to offer. But just like that greasy food that makes you feel sick afterward, I have a hard time keeping away.

Now, that doesn't mean that I don't have a bachelor

Bachelor #4: We have fallen out of touch. Between work schedules, sleeping schedules and different time zones we haven't spoken in awhile. That doesn't mean I don't smile whenever I think of him.

Bachelor #6: We are still moving along at a snail's pace. He is thoughtful and encouraging and so sweet...but I don't think the chemistry is there. At least not on my part, but I'm not throwing in the towel yet.

Bachelor #7: He is childish. He is ignoring me, so I've deleted him. But he was so handsome!

Bachelor #8: He is traveling with a non-profit and says he'll come to visit. I'll believe it when I see it...he has also asked me to let him know if I need anything; a.k.a. money. Hmmm, is this a sugar daddy in the making?

Bachelor #9: He is very religious and has some serious hang-ups about sex. I'm attracted to him and we have alot in common but I'm not sure we can get past the sex issue. It is not a big deal for me, but it is for him.

Bachelor #10 (We in the double digits!!!): He is divorced and dealing with a break-up. We talk every day, but have yet to meet. He is handsome and funny but I don't think he is ever going to make a move.

Bachelor #11: This man lives part of the time by me and part of the time in another state. We are supposed to go out this coming week and I'm anxious to hear his sexy accent.


Bachelor #12: This is the newest addition to my collection. He has asked for my phone number but has yet to call. We IM every day and he seems funny and intelligent.

That's the update. :)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

One Foot In

My whole life, I have felt one foot in and one foot out. When I go to visit my cousins, I am the American cousin. When I hang out with my friends here, I am the Latin friend. I have always had a difficult time figuring out where I belong. And it makes me mad when I'm referred to as the American cousin. I don't feel like the American cousin! Everything I do feels like it identifies with the Latina and Arabic roots that I have tried so hard to discover and assimilate into my life. I realize that many people will say that this in itself is American....that it is a melting pot. But there are so many things in this American culture that I don't identify with and that lends itself more to my lack of definition.

And it goes farther than just identity...I never believed I was smart. I used to get to frustrated trying to explain things to people. I would assume that I was dumb, that I couldn't get my point across because I was too stupid to make myself understood. Now, I realize that I was too smart. I was explaining things at a level that I understood and no one was there with me yet. Not until I gave a lengthy explanation with details did they catch up to me. I'm not saying this to pat myself on the back. This realization, while powerful, had been a struggle as well. It is strange to one day wake up and realize that a belief you held about yourself for so long is not true.

So here I am, at the advanced age of 38, still trying to figure out where I fit in...and often times I just say screw it...and do my best not to fit in. I don't listen to the music I'm supposed to, or dressed how I'm supposed to, or work how I'm supposed to, but now I'm beginning to wonder if I am sabotaging myself in the process. I spend alot of time checking myself....asking people if I am correct in my conclusions. Asking for opinions and sides. Life is passing me by and I'm not grabbing on. When push comes to shove, I know I am capable of doing it. I'm not necessarily regretting my decisions, but maybe I'm wishing I had done more with the outcomes. I think I'm wishing that I had taken better advantage of what I was given and what I had to offer. And if that is the case, how do I move can I get over the fear and inertia that comes with it so I can move forward and be the me that I am supposed to be? How do I start taking the steps that I need to take to reach my full potential? I wouldn't say that the potential is locked, but I would say that it is compartmentalized away and I only bring it out on special occasions.

So the question is, how do I get myself to realize that every day is a special occasion?

Falling apart

Do you ever feel like everything is falling apart? Like you have too much to do and it is all coming at you super fast and you're not quite sure that you can grasp all of it? Well, that is where I am today.

I thought I was going to have a relatively easy week and now it seems that when I sit down to review my schedule I WAS WRONG!!!

First of all, I got my dates mixed up...don't ask me how, but I thought there was an extra magical day in the week. (WHY ISN'T THERE AN EXTRA MAGICAL DAY IN THE WEEK?)

And now, I'm stuck like watching a big fireball come at me in slow motion. I can't do anything early...I mean I can try and prepare, but I can't DO anything before the deadlines. So I guess today is prepare day but then is that going to make me more anxious since I can't do anything?

I keep saying that I need to get into a routine....but how the hell do I get into a routine? I know this is really easy for some people to grasp, but I'm not there. Call me stupid, I guess.

So I'm off for the second meeting of the day that I forgot....and maybe by tonight I'll be organized.....


Friday, October 16, 2009

Mini blog...

The opening line was:

" how was your day"

The reply after reading his profile was:

" Hello;

I appreciate the email and I read your profile...but I am so not a country girl. I do airplanes and sidewalks and you seem to enjoy the land and the fresh air....if I'm wrong, let me know...but after reading what you've got up I think maybe we're not suited.

Best of luck to you"

The reply from the guy was:

"no you are wrong but i have a big pet peave with assumptions no where on my profile does it say that you girls on here are rediculous your looking for something that doesnt exist im sick of these games!!!!!!!!!!"

and my reply was:

" You have your home in the country....which means you choose to live there and I don't.

I think that you are rude. I was polite enough to respond which is more than alot of people do on here.

Please don't contact me again."

Am I going crazy or what?

Lazy Blogger... :)

Okay, so I have been busy, lazy, unattentive...whatever you want to call it. Basically I haven't been writing. So to all my witty followers, I apologize. (That would be all of one of you!)


Bachelor #1: I tried. Really! But Mr. Glass Half Empty is not in for the long haul. Actually, maybe he would be. But there was just a lack of chemistry on my end....Que Sera Sera.

Bachelor #4: is located in a different time zone, and ever since I got pneumonia earlier this year, I just can stay up as last to chat. I miss you B4!

Bachelor #5: He was definitely hiding something; a wife, a girlfriend; who knows? Anyhoo, he disappeared faster than (insert some southern sounding thing that makes you laugh.) Haven't heard boo from him and I don't expect to.


Bachelor #6: Is a younger man. He makes me smile because he is so earnest and says the best things. Things like, "How do you eat all that and stay so slim?" or "Doesn't he know that a good wife is a gift?" I like this one. But again, I'm not head over heels...but we'll see....I'm not ruling him out.

Bachelors #7, #8, #9 and #10 are too new to write about. There are conversations but I haven't met any of them yet and we are just in the flirting stages...We shall see.

A friend of mine said that she would buy me a subscription to Match for my birthday....I may just take her up on it.

So I guess when all is said and done, I've been busy!

Monday, September 21, 2009

I'm a star! I have follower!

So I signed on today to see that I have one follower! Woo-Hoo! That is exciting...

I know I probably won't ever have any more....but since this is more cathartic than anything else, that's okay.


Bachelor #1: Still in the game. We spent a full twenty-four hours together. And apparently I snore loud enough to wake the dead. (Thanks, Dad, for those genes.) I had a great time and get your minds out of the gutter because that did not happen! It was so nice to just be with someone. Do dumb things like go to Target and Home Depot together...He is growing on me....

Bachelor #4 is still making me smile. He is a wonderful combination of witty and sensitive and keeps me on my toes yet understands when I'm too tired to parry very well.

Bachelor #5 is full of you-know-what. We finally talked on Friday and after I apologized for jumping the gun and was all contrite. He was all, "I'm sorry and I'll call you..." and NOTHING. Not one call this weekend. I'm just shaking my head wondering why he even bothered. He was hiding online today and I just ended up deleting his info once and for all....what a twit!

There is no Bachelor #6 on the horizon...don't get me wrong...there are plenty of men calling, but I just don't see one that is worthy of the title, or the brain power at this moment.

So I'm going on a trip this weekend...and I'm thinking that I should be bad. I should be enlightened and sleep with some random guy and get over myself...I should go to a bar and be the sexiest self I can be and just hook up....


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Crazy is as Crazy does......

Okay, so today I feel certifiable.

Bachelor #5 has thrown me for a loop...not really, but this whole dating thing has thrown me for a loop. I do so much better when I am not trying to date. When I am just on my own, being myself and doing my own thing. The problem is that when I am doing that, I don't meet anyone. I'm so absorbed in getting done what I need to get done that I'm not being social.

And I worried. I have this cousin who is finally married, but while she was looking she screamed desperation. She would run off men with the palpable need to hurry up and get I doing that? God help me if I am. Because it is not that I want to get married...I just want someone I can count on, someone to share my life with and to be able to talk to at the end of the day...blah, blah, blah....I've talked about all that before.

So why is it, when you establish the rules of the game between two people, you still have to play the game? When you both admit up front that you are lonely and want someone to spend your life with and that you are looking for the same end result. When you establish that you have compatible outlooks on life and the same values and the same ideas about family and home, that distance is not an issue but something to be worked out does the woman still have to do the cat and mouse thing?

I just want someone accountable, someone who does what they say they are going to do when they say there are going to do it. I need my grounding rod so that when I have days like today, there is a calm in the storm I can go back to....

This sucks and I wonder if I am really as crazy as I think I am today.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Oh What a Beautiful Mooooorrrrrrnnnnniiiiing!

So last night I got home around 10:00 o'clock and still had tons of work to do. I told myself that I would just take a little nap on the couch and ended up falling asleep until 6:00 AM. It is amazing what a good night's sleep will do! I woke up refreshed and happy and ready to face the world. I finished my work by 8:00 AM and now I'm contemplating what else I should do.

See while, it is a fantastic morning, I still can't figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

So how do I get there? How do I figure out what I can do to make use of my multitude of talents while not growing bored? I've been working for myself, but it's simply not pulling in the income I need to settle the debts I've accrued.

I know that I should just suck it up and take something; but after all these years, I've figured out that I don't really need alot to be happy and I don't really want to acquire a bunch of material possessions. I just want to be happy and fulfilled in what I am doing.

Any suggestions?

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Dating age

Well, I know no one is reading this, but I'm back!

After two weeks in bed with pneumonia I am finally functioning again, definitely at reduced capacity, but functioning. I have never been one to just veg and watch TV, but I have discovered that being robbed of all energy is the key to that skill! I have watched more TV in the past two weeks than I have watched in the past two years. I feel somewhat brain dead, but ready to start tackling life once more!

Update on my exciting dating life...

Bachelor #1: Still around. He has moved about a mile away and is asking me for decorating and picture handing ideas. We talk almost every day but I still haven't been won over.

Bachelor #3: Gone for good. This is what I detest about dating. We had two great dates and great conversations and then poof! He disappears. There was no warning, no phone call, nothing, just a vanishing act. This is just rude! I guess that lands him squarely in the jerk category. I'm sorry, but there is such a thing as common courtesy and apparently he lacks it.

Bachelor #4: Still entertaining me with witty repartee. We talk about four or five nights a week online and can go for hours without getting bored.

Bachelor #5 is a new entry into the world of this madness and he seems to be jumping in with both feet. He lives quite a distance away and we met online. He has already put on the table that he is tired of being alone, wants a partner, is willing to move and will come to me when we are ready to meet. We have literally spent 20 hours talking via phone and what is that like, five dates? I am skeptical, but so far we seemed pretty well matched.

Tonight was girls night. There was a group of us talking about all the things that women discuss and of course, but the end of the evening we left our lofty topics and digressed to men, sex, men, dating and men.

One woman in the group said that she thought that every relationship that you have reduces your dating age. For example, say that you date someone seriously for seven years and then you break up. You were 21 when you started and 28 by the time you ended things; however, your current dating age is 21. So if you take that into account, is my dating age 30? Is that why I'm generally attracted to younger men?

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Welcome to the Island, now here are the rules of conduct!

I was talking with a friend, and he pointed out to me that I am an island in the mass of feminism. He said that if I had been born even 30 or 40 years earlier, I wouldn't have such a hard time finding what I wanted.

See, here's the thing....all the feminists have ruined it for me. I want my doors opened, the chairs pulled out and for the man to pay for the meal. In return, I promise to support him, to make sure that when we go out everyone knows I am with him. If it leads to more...I will take care of him. I will cater to him when he gets home, make his meals, make sure he is comfortable. It it goes even further, I will take care of the children, see to it that they are fed and cared for. I will not push them off onto daycare and I will create a stable environment. Hell, I'll even vacuum in high heels if that's what it takes. I'll cook dinner with pearls on and I will look pretty when he walks in the door.

Apparently, that is too much to ask for. I am an island in the sea of feminism and apparently I am the lone survivor.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

If my life can't be organized, at least my desk can.

Well let's's the update.

Bachelor #1 is still in the game
Bachelor #3 is around, but now I'm beginning to get a little tired of waiting around and the lagging response time.

and there is sort of a Bachelor #4. LOL Not really, but he occupies the space of another guy and is definitely entertaining me.

As for life is still up in arms. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, but at least my desk is clean.

There is something about a clean workspace that just makes you feel more productive. It makes you feel like you have room to accomplish what you need to do. The problem is then, what do you do? There is so much to do! You have been procrastinating for so long that you can't figure out what to start with. Do you pick up the phone? Work on the website? Type in the notes? Research for expansion? It is all so overwhelming! Where do you start?

So, instead of working...maybe I'll go and reorganize the bedroom...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

It it fall already?

Let me start by saying that it is August and I am wearing a winter sweatsuit and socks. We had 1.5 weeks of really hot weather here and's fall! What in the world is going on? If this is global warming....where's the warming part?

Next, let me fully admit to being pitiful. Bachelor #3 called this morning and I took the advice of several people and just point blank asked him what was going on. Long story short, he said that while this period has been really difficult for him, he would like to pursue something with me and if I can be patient until mid September, things should get back to normal. So, I took a chance and I came out the winner! Woo-Hoo!

I'm still feeling somewhat unsettled. The mundane issues of life are pounding on my door and while I have to resolve them today; do or die, I just keep wanting to put them off. But I will prevail....I just need to tamp down on my inner jitters...okay let me tangent for a minute...Do you ever get those? Where you feel jumpy and you can't sit still, even though you know you should? Like all the deep breathes in the world only work for that exact second? And then there you are....feeling like you could run, sit, walk and jump all at the same time? Well that is the feeling today. I need to focus and I just can't seem to manage it.

And on the final note...I'm going to study today...I have a two-pronged focus. One is the Qu'ran. It is Ramadan and I figure why not? I have finished two Surats (chapters) and maybe I will undertake a third today. At the other end are the dating books. I intend to make a set of standards, a sort of moral compass to help me navigate these nefarious dating waters. Everyone tells me I am a great person. That I have much to offer someone, so I am going to uphold my standards and look for someone who has much to offer me. I am going to do my best to not make excuses for people or to accept less than I deserve.

Because I deserve the very best!

(What commercial is that?)

Oh and last, but not least, to date I have lost 71 pounds!

Now if I could just settle into my day and enjoy it for the great day it is.

Is it mid-September? In other words, is it fall yet?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

He's Just Not That Into Me...but WHY?!?!?!?! here's the update.

Bachelor #1: Still around
Bachelor #2: Gone
Bachelor #3: Not that into me
Bachelor #4: TBA

I have spent the day soul searching and reading and came across a much loved book....called "He's Just Not That Into You." And after reading it, I have come to the obvious conclusion, (I'm sure all of you reached it already, ) that he's not.

BUT WHY?????

I'm so annoyed at the moment that I am sad AGAIN. I do so much better when I am not dating. When I don't worry over who is calling and I just enjoy life and my friends and family and not worry about men. Then I decide that maybe I should get out there and see who is around and the same thing happens. I find someone and I like them ALOT and they don't like me as much and then I end up a pain in the ass for everyone around me.

So, I'm thinking it is time for a hiatus on dating again.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

As The World Turns

Okay, so Bachelor #3 called. And of course, that made me happy. Because I am a simpering, idiotic female! Why do we do this? I know I've asked this before...but still, WHY?

I'm beginning to think that it's not because we need them. Not in a financial sense...but we NEED them in an emotional sense. It is the promise. The promise of having someone to be with you at the end of day when everything seems to have gone wrong and you don't need a solution because you are smart enough to figure one out of your own. You need strong arms. Someone to kiss you and tell you that you they love you and think they you are special. Someone to melt your stress away and rub your back and make it all seem better if only for a couple of minutes. Is that really so much to ask for?

So, as I guessed. Bachelor #2 is gone. And that is okay. I'm not crying any tears over that one....I mean he obviously has listening issues because not 30 seconds after I told him that I didn't like going to a particular kind of restaurant he said that he wanted to go there. Duh!

Bachelor #1 is still in the picture but we are at a crossroads. His view on relationships and mine are vastly different. We have both been hurt and are trying to protect ourselves. He views traditional women as money-grubbing and I view "modern" men as somewhat disrespectful. I can't see this going very far. My glass is half full and his is half empty. I think we could be friends....

Bachelor #3 is still the least when it comes to family and ideals. When it comes to game playing he is also the winner because he has me wrapped around his finger. Although with the way I'm feeling today, he might get his head chopped off. I'm getting the distinct impression that he likes to initiate contact because when I do, he doesn't respond. He apologized for not seeing me over the weekend and said that the new schedule was throwing him for a loop. He implied that we would see each other this week...I'm crossing my fingers, but not holding my breath.

And finally, in a moment of desperation...I saw the EX. It was actually very cathartic. I'm not sure if he got the same sense that I did. But who cares? He had me under his spell for four years and I am joyous to know that I am finally free. I don't have to worry about seeing him and getting roped back in. I left with a huge smile on my face and the satisfaction of knowing that I can move on with no problems.

I'm not sure if I should welcome you to my soap opera or just my life.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Another Two Bite The Dust

Well, it's Sunday....if you are in the same place in the world that I is a dreary unseasonably cold Sunday.

Which does wonders for my mood.

Bachelor #1 is still around. Still handsome and still plagued by pessimism.

Bachelor #2 is on his way out. After a truly boring date, I think we have a mutual understanding that we're not going to be seeing each other any more/

Bachelor #3 has effectively disappeared. After lots of pretty words and hinted promises, I haven't heard from him since Friday. Granted there are other things at work in the universe here. But why create excuses? I am just going to accept the fact that this is not going to go any farther than it has. Who cares about the incredible chemistry? (Well, I do...but this seems to be my lot in life these days. Find a guy who you have great chemistry with and he goes running in the opposite direction.)

And the EX...he is so sure of himself, so sure that I will come back to him, that he booked a hotel room for us last night without even asking me.

What does that say about me? Am I really that pitiful? I guess I'm not that desperate because I didn't go....but I was tempted.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Over-analyzing the Species

Okay, so I'm pretty sure that guys don't do this. All the books and the movies tell us that we are the only ones who are so neurotic....but why???? Why do we (women) have to be that way. I can't get bachelor #3 out of my head....

I admit it. I am totally obsessing. I have gone over, discussed with friends and taken apart every point of communication that we have had and I DON'T GET IT! Furthermore, I am sure that I am a blip on his radar screen. He is not in the same state that I am, wondering what the hell is going on.

I turned off my phone today. Would you like to know why? Because I can't stand the sound of it not ringing. It drives me mad. Here I am, waiting for a phone call that was supposed to occur since last night and nothing. So off it goes and if I can stand it, I won't turn it on until tomorrow.

Why do we do this? Why do we get so wrapped up and in my case, why is it so fast? Why was my breath so taken away by the chemistry that we had and now I can't get it out of my mind?

To make matters worse, I talked to the EX. You know the one girls, the one who is bad for you, the one your friends hate....that EX. The one who with a few key words can suck you right back in if you let him....and now I'm beginning to think that's the only option I have.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dating in your 30's

So here I am. 30 s0mething. And after living a life that could easily be up for a telenovela, I am trying the whole dating thing.

Tonight, I think men stink!

I read this book and it says that you're supposed to have three guys in the rotation at any you know the book? Anyway I have my three... and they are all great guys.

This is after much trial and error. I have been through my share of funny dates, weird dates, thankfully no scary dates and just awful dates and come to these three men.

Bachelor #1 is a great guy. Handsome and smart. He is funny and we have great conversations and good chemistry.

Bachelor #2 is also a good candidate. A little bit in his own world, talks sometimes just to hear his own voice. But overall a good guy. The chemistry with him is strange. It is comfortable and it builds over the evening. When I first see him, not so much. But as the evening wears is more and more.

Bachelor #3 is the one who takes my breath away. The chemistry is amazing. He is handsome and smart as well. Keeps me interested and leaves me with butterflies in my stomach. And of course, he is the one who hasn't called. Oh he sends these lame texts every day, but a phone call....hah!

So what is it? Why is it the one that you really like...that you could really fall for, is the one who doesn't call?

Why is it the one where the air hums and you can't wait for the day when you can lie in his arms naked and pressed together that seems to not be all that into you?

I know I didn't imagine the he as freaked out as I am? But really, we're in our 30's, we've done this, been WHAT is the problem?

I'm confused, I'm sad tonight and I wish he would call....