Sunday, March 21, 2010

Are we confused?

Okay, so I was dating this guy....three or four dates over the course of a couple months, lots of phone calls and emails. I don't know, but I thought things were going along well. There were flowers and gifts and dinners and movies. It all seemed like a good thing. Nice chemistry and similar values. Sounds promising right?

And then he disappeared.

Out of the blue and after a night of anticipation about what might happen on the next date, he just vanished.

Honestly, I wasn't too heartbroken since it took me a week to realize that we hadn't talked. But then I began to wonder what happened. And then I brushed it off. No big deal, there are other fish in the sea.

So after a couple of weeks I get a phone call out of the blue. And it's him. He's friendly and apologizes, telling me that he's been out of the country and busy working and blah blah blah. Finally, he gets to the point and tells me that he's not ready for anything serious but that he things I'm a great girl and more blah blah blah. He asks if we can be friends and I said that would be great but that I don't kiss my friends. The call ended on a very amicable note and he said he might be in town in a couple of days and did I want to get together? I told him that would nice and to let me know.

The next night he pops up online and we start chatting. Long story short, even though he just told me that he didn't want a commitment, even though we have already established that I'm not promiscuous, he still thinks that he can come into town and maybe get a little play.


It turns out that he was not coming into town for work, but specifically coming in to get lucky! I don't think I could be any clearer than "don't expect me to kiss you if we're just friends." Apparently that is code for, "Sure, I'll have sex with you."

Who knew?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Scent of a (Desperate) Man

I have smelled that desperate scent on a woman. It is intangible but you can feel it all the same when she walks into a room. She is dying to get married. And I've often wondered two things:

  1. OMG, do I ever do that?
  2. If I can detect it, what kind of vibe must the men be getting?

Well for the first time the other night, I got that off a guy.

I have to admit that I thought it was a female know the whole biological clock, our ovaries are shutting down, we have to wear the white dress NOW. I thought it was part psychological and part physiological. I am from the last generation of women where it still seems an essential right of passage to get married. I am right in the middle of two opposing groups; I am part of the transitional group, so to speak. The generation older than me thought and thinks that getting married is necessary. It is part of how they define womanhood. The generation younger than me believes that they can take it or leave it. They can be married or they can be just as happy single, but walking down the aisle is no longer a forgone conclusion. Now I'm talking strictly about American women. If you've grown up in another culture, the generations where this happen are different. For example, my cousin is technically in the same generation as I and she behaves with the norms from the generation that is older than us. (Although maybe that is also because my generation is sort of split on the subject?) Anyway, now about the man...

So this guy contacts me and we talk a couple of times. He really wanted to meet, but we couldn't fit it in before he had to go overseas. We agreed that we would meet when he returned. Now here is what happened. I'm trying to decipher if I missed the signs all together or if they really did creep up on me.

If you haven't noticed from the previous post, I'm a little bit of a throwback. This is the premise that this guy used to contact me. He said that we had this in common and that he shared the same ideas about romance. Once we did speak on the phone he was persistent in his efforts to see me. Looking back, I think that the only reason he didn't press harder the night before he left on his trip was because the roads were awful. We did have one lengthy phone call that same night and I imagined that I wouldn't hear from him until he returned.

He called me on the way to the airport to say goodbye and to tell me that he looked forward to meeting me. He then called me twice from (literally) the other side of the world. He then called the day he got home and asked what time we were going out. He called a couple of other times too, but those were the ones that stuck out.

So finally we meet.

We met at a bar for a drink and he wanted to hug me right off the bat....then he wanted to kiss me in public and kept insisting until I gave him a kiss on the cheek. (I now realize I should have stood my ground, but that is another post another day.) It was okay. I wasn't bowled over or super impressed, but I like to give it a fair shot to see if I'm missing anything. We agreed that we should get together again sometime. I thanked him for the drink and that was that.

So he calls on Monday and asks when he can see me again. Then he calls on Wednesday for plans that night. Then he calls on Thursday for plans that night. So on Thursday, I tell him that I am a planner and I'm really not good with on the spot plans. I say that I really do better with a couple days notice and that; for example, I already have my weekend planned. I haven't heard from him since Thursday.

Not that I'm crying over it, but apparently he wanted an instant girlfriend. He told me over drinks how he was ready to get married and start a family. I just didn't realize that he meant Monday morning.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Woo-Hoo! Woo-ee! Woo Me!

So I've been MIA for quite sometime...

I abandoned men for a few months around the holidays. I figured why should I spend time with someone I don't know when the holidays are for spending time with people you love, right?

A lot has changed and not much has changed. I'm still single. I joined Match with lackluster results so far. All the men from last year have pretty much fallen by the way side and now there is a whole new crop. A crop that is changing quickly but a new crop

Since the new year there has been at least one that showed real promise. And then he got transferred a little too far. To be honest, there really wasn't a whole lot of time to see if the "promise" could lead anywhere.

And now, now I'm annoyed.

I'm annoyed because somewhere along the way, men forgot how to woo. What happened to those tension building dates? What happened to the romance and the seduction? I met one man and after the first meeting, (a date is when he picks you up, a meeting is when you drive separately,) he asked if we could have the next date at his house! Now some of you may not see anything wrong with this, but seriously!?!?!?!

I do not take sex lightly. I know that when I get into bed with someone it has to mean something because otherwise I am in for a whole lot of trouble. I get attached. I start building fantasies only to get my heart broken. So if I'm not in love with you, I'm certainly not going to sleep with you.

But it seems that this is the norm these days. One meeting and then sex is okay.

So I'm not normal?

Because I just can't do that. I can't just dive into bed because we met for a drink and I think you're okay. I need the build up, the anticipation and the feeling of losing my breath. If you can't give me that, well then I can't give you the other part.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not a haggard looking girl hiding behind indignation. I have been told that I am "elegant" and "exotically beautiful" for Pete's sake! I deserve these things, but I'll be damned if I can find a man who can do them. Every time I consider bending the rules something holds me back. I guess I'm not willing to settle this time.