Sunday, August 30, 2009

Welcome to the Island, now here are the rules of conduct!

I was talking with a friend, and he pointed out to me that I am an island in the mass of feminism. He said that if I had been born even 30 or 40 years earlier, I wouldn't have such a hard time finding what I wanted.

See, here's the thing....all the feminists have ruined it for me. I want my doors opened, the chairs pulled out and for the man to pay for the meal. In return, I promise to support him, to make sure that when we go out everyone knows I am with him. If it leads to more...I will take care of him. I will cater to him when he gets home, make his meals, make sure he is comfortable. It it goes even further, I will take care of the children, see to it that they are fed and cared for. I will not push them off onto daycare and I will create a stable environment. Hell, I'll even vacuum in high heels if that's what it takes. I'll cook dinner with pearls on and I will look pretty when he walks in the door.

Apparently, that is too much to ask for. I am an island in the sea of feminism and apparently I am the lone survivor.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

If my life can't be organized, at least my desk can.

Well let's's the update.

Bachelor #1 is still in the game
Bachelor #3 is around, but now I'm beginning to get a little tired of waiting around and the lagging response time.

and there is sort of a Bachelor #4. LOL Not really, but he occupies the space of another guy and is definitely entertaining me.

As for life is still up in arms. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up, but at least my desk is clean.

There is something about a clean workspace that just makes you feel more productive. It makes you feel like you have room to accomplish what you need to do. The problem is then, what do you do? There is so much to do! You have been procrastinating for so long that you can't figure out what to start with. Do you pick up the phone? Work on the website? Type in the notes? Research for expansion? It is all so overwhelming! Where do you start?

So, instead of working...maybe I'll go and reorganize the bedroom...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

It it fall already?

Let me start by saying that it is August and I am wearing a winter sweatsuit and socks. We had 1.5 weeks of really hot weather here and's fall! What in the world is going on? If this is global warming....where's the warming part?

Next, let me fully admit to being pitiful. Bachelor #3 called this morning and I took the advice of several people and just point blank asked him what was going on. Long story short, he said that while this period has been really difficult for him, he would like to pursue something with me and if I can be patient until mid September, things should get back to normal. So, I took a chance and I came out the winner! Woo-Hoo!

I'm still feeling somewhat unsettled. The mundane issues of life are pounding on my door and while I have to resolve them today; do or die, I just keep wanting to put them off. But I will prevail....I just need to tamp down on my inner jitters...okay let me tangent for a minute...Do you ever get those? Where you feel jumpy and you can't sit still, even though you know you should? Like all the deep breathes in the world only work for that exact second? And then there you are....feeling like you could run, sit, walk and jump all at the same time? Well that is the feeling today. I need to focus and I just can't seem to manage it.

And on the final note...I'm going to study today...I have a two-pronged focus. One is the Qu'ran. It is Ramadan and I figure why not? I have finished two Surats (chapters) and maybe I will undertake a third today. At the other end are the dating books. I intend to make a set of standards, a sort of moral compass to help me navigate these nefarious dating waters. Everyone tells me I am a great person. That I have much to offer someone, so I am going to uphold my standards and look for someone who has much to offer me. I am going to do my best to not make excuses for people or to accept less than I deserve.

Because I deserve the very best!

(What commercial is that?)

Oh and last, but not least, to date I have lost 71 pounds!

Now if I could just settle into my day and enjoy it for the great day it is.

Is it mid-September? In other words, is it fall yet?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

He's Just Not That Into Me...but WHY?!?!?!?! here's the update.

Bachelor #1: Still around
Bachelor #2: Gone
Bachelor #3: Not that into me
Bachelor #4: TBA

I have spent the day soul searching and reading and came across a much loved book....called "He's Just Not That Into You." And after reading it, I have come to the obvious conclusion, (I'm sure all of you reached it already, ) that he's not.

BUT WHY?????

I'm so annoyed at the moment that I am sad AGAIN. I do so much better when I am not dating. When I don't worry over who is calling and I just enjoy life and my friends and family and not worry about men. Then I decide that maybe I should get out there and see who is around and the same thing happens. I find someone and I like them ALOT and they don't like me as much and then I end up a pain in the ass for everyone around me.

So, I'm thinking it is time for a hiatus on dating again.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

As The World Turns

Okay, so Bachelor #3 called. And of course, that made me happy. Because I am a simpering, idiotic female! Why do we do this? I know I've asked this before...but still, WHY?

I'm beginning to think that it's not because we need them. Not in a financial sense...but we NEED them in an emotional sense. It is the promise. The promise of having someone to be with you at the end of day when everything seems to have gone wrong and you don't need a solution because you are smart enough to figure one out of your own. You need strong arms. Someone to kiss you and tell you that you they love you and think they you are special. Someone to melt your stress away and rub your back and make it all seem better if only for a couple of minutes. Is that really so much to ask for?

So, as I guessed. Bachelor #2 is gone. And that is okay. I'm not crying any tears over that one....I mean he obviously has listening issues because not 30 seconds after I told him that I didn't like going to a particular kind of restaurant he said that he wanted to go there. Duh!

Bachelor #1 is still in the picture but we are at a crossroads. His view on relationships and mine are vastly different. We have both been hurt and are trying to protect ourselves. He views traditional women as money-grubbing and I view "modern" men as somewhat disrespectful. I can't see this going very far. My glass is half full and his is half empty. I think we could be friends....

Bachelor #3 is still the least when it comes to family and ideals. When it comes to game playing he is also the winner because he has me wrapped around his finger. Although with the way I'm feeling today, he might get his head chopped off. I'm getting the distinct impression that he likes to initiate contact because when I do, he doesn't respond. He apologized for not seeing me over the weekend and said that the new schedule was throwing him for a loop. He implied that we would see each other this week...I'm crossing my fingers, but not holding my breath.

And finally, in a moment of desperation...I saw the EX. It was actually very cathartic. I'm not sure if he got the same sense that I did. But who cares? He had me under his spell for four years and I am joyous to know that I am finally free. I don't have to worry about seeing him and getting roped back in. I left with a huge smile on my face and the satisfaction of knowing that I can move on with no problems.

I'm not sure if I should welcome you to my soap opera or just my life.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Another Two Bite The Dust

Well, it's Sunday....if you are in the same place in the world that I is a dreary unseasonably cold Sunday.

Which does wonders for my mood.

Bachelor #1 is still around. Still handsome and still plagued by pessimism.

Bachelor #2 is on his way out. After a truly boring date, I think we have a mutual understanding that we're not going to be seeing each other any more/

Bachelor #3 has effectively disappeared. After lots of pretty words and hinted promises, I haven't heard from him since Friday. Granted there are other things at work in the universe here. But why create excuses? I am just going to accept the fact that this is not going to go any farther than it has. Who cares about the incredible chemistry? (Well, I do...but this seems to be my lot in life these days. Find a guy who you have great chemistry with and he goes running in the opposite direction.)

And the EX...he is so sure of himself, so sure that I will come back to him, that he booked a hotel room for us last night without even asking me.

What does that say about me? Am I really that pitiful? I guess I'm not that desperate because I didn't go....but I was tempted.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Over-analyzing the Species

Okay, so I'm pretty sure that guys don't do this. All the books and the movies tell us that we are the only ones who are so neurotic....but why???? Why do we (women) have to be that way. I can't get bachelor #3 out of my head....

I admit it. I am totally obsessing. I have gone over, discussed with friends and taken apart every point of communication that we have had and I DON'T GET IT! Furthermore, I am sure that I am a blip on his radar screen. He is not in the same state that I am, wondering what the hell is going on.

I turned off my phone today. Would you like to know why? Because I can't stand the sound of it not ringing. It drives me mad. Here I am, waiting for a phone call that was supposed to occur since last night and nothing. So off it goes and if I can stand it, I won't turn it on until tomorrow.

Why do we do this? Why do we get so wrapped up and in my case, why is it so fast? Why was my breath so taken away by the chemistry that we had and now I can't get it out of my mind?

To make matters worse, I talked to the EX. You know the one girls, the one who is bad for you, the one your friends hate....that EX. The one who with a few key words can suck you right back in if you let him....and now I'm beginning to think that's the only option I have.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dating in your 30's

So here I am. 30 s0mething. And after living a life that could easily be up for a telenovela, I am trying the whole dating thing.

Tonight, I think men stink!

I read this book and it says that you're supposed to have three guys in the rotation at any you know the book? Anyway I have my three... and they are all great guys.

This is after much trial and error. I have been through my share of funny dates, weird dates, thankfully no scary dates and just awful dates and come to these three men.

Bachelor #1 is a great guy. Handsome and smart. He is funny and we have great conversations and good chemistry.

Bachelor #2 is also a good candidate. A little bit in his own world, talks sometimes just to hear his own voice. But overall a good guy. The chemistry with him is strange. It is comfortable and it builds over the evening. When I first see him, not so much. But as the evening wears is more and more.

Bachelor #3 is the one who takes my breath away. The chemistry is amazing. He is handsome and smart as well. Keeps me interested and leaves me with butterflies in my stomach. And of course, he is the one who hasn't called. Oh he sends these lame texts every day, but a phone call....hah!

So what is it? Why is it the one that you really like...that you could really fall for, is the one who doesn't call?

Why is it the one where the air hums and you can't wait for the day when you can lie in his arms naked and pressed together that seems to not be all that into you?

I know I didn't imagine the he as freaked out as I am? But really, we're in our 30's, we've done this, been WHAT is the problem?

I'm confused, I'm sad tonight and I wish he would call....