Okay, so today I feel certifiable.
Bachelor #5 has thrown me for a loop...not really, but this whole dating thing has thrown me for a loop. I do so much better when I am not trying to date. When I am just on my own, being myself and doing my own thing. The problem is that when I am doing that, I don't meet anyone. I'm so absorbed in getting done what I need to get done that I'm not being social.
And I worried. I have this cousin who is finally married, but while she was looking she screamed desperation. She would run off men with the palpable need to hurry up and get married...am I doing that? God help me if I am. Because it is not that I want to get married...I just want someone I can count on, someone to share my life with and to be able to talk to at the end of the day...blah, blah, blah....I've talked about all that before.
So why is it, when you establish the rules of the game between two people, you still have to play the game? When you both admit up front that you are lonely and want someone to spend your life with and that you are looking for the same end result. When you establish that you have compatible outlooks on life and the same values and the same ideas about family and home, that distance is not an issue but something to be worked out does the woman still have to do the cat and mouse thing?
I just want someone accountable, someone who does what they say they are going to do when they say there are going to do it. I need my grounding rod so that when I have days like today, there is a calm in the storm I can go back to....
This sucks and I wonder if I am really as crazy as I think I am today.