Wednesday, June 2, 2010


Performing to me is one of the most wonderful things in the world. It is the one time that I truly feel free. I feel like I can do anything. I am soaring with my voice, the audience loves me and I am happy.

But just before I perform the anticipation is agony. I spend weeks, sometimes months rehearsing until I know I have it in the bag. But the night before I go on stage I lose it. I become the consummate diva. I’m unreasonable, moody, grouchy and usually burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

I am consumed with doubts, what if I miss the high note, what if I fall, what if I miss that difficult transition, what if I start too soon, what if I start too late? I go over and over all the highs and lows of the song as well as imagine all the things that can go wrong. The inevitable meltdown occurs during dress rehearsal and my producer has to give me a hug and tell me to go home (usually mid-song, lol) and have a drink… or two…or three. He tells me that I’m going to do beautifully tomorrow and to go and relax and orders me not to think about ANYTHING musical.

And then it’s performance night. I am backstage and there is a knot in my stomach. Butterflies are battling for position and I am nervous. But it’s a good kind of nervous. It’s the nervous that occurs right before something wonderful happens. I close my eyes and go over my selections for the evening and then I hear my name. I step out onto the stage and smile at the audience, hoping that I am showing way more confidence than I feel at the moment. I stand before the mic and look at the accompanist and nod my head. The familiar notes flow out of the piano and I close my eyes. There is a rustle in the audience and I take a deep breath. I feel chills run over my whole body and then I sing the first note. The audience falls quiet and I open my eyes and smile. I am soaring, I am happy and I am right where I am supposed to be.

That's how this new man makes me feel. He makes me feel like I am singing....

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