Okay, so it’s two in the morning and I am panicking. I didn’t really say that I loved him, but he knows. AND I KNOW THE RULE! I know I blew it. Women everywhere are throwing up their arms in frustration at this exact moment.
I’m sitting here close to tears envisioning all sorts of things, which logically I know are not the case. Logically I know that the world did not really tilt on its axis and throw off the center of gravity so that only I am going to go falling off.
Emotionally, I totally blew it and now I might as well go and bury my head in the sand because tomorrow morning he is going to walk out of here without a backwards glance. Mind you I didn’t really say it….I alluded to it and he’s not stupid….he knows what I meant! I feel like that character with the bad Russian accent who is hitting his head saying, “You idiot! You idiot!” Seriously!
I get all caught up and then I just don’t know when to leave well enough alone and I have to keep going and ruin it all! We had this very nice evening, we sat on the couch, we talked, we made dinner together, we sat on the couch some more. And then we were lying in the dark and talking and in an effort to put him at ease (I know, I know, don’t tell me!) I hinted at the big L word. Why don’t I have a big cosmic eraser and I can just eradicate that one little moment from time? Did I mention that I’m panicking?