Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Today Should Be Over

Today is one of those days when I want to have a pity party for a guest of one. No one else is invited. Just me.  Why?  Because it's my party and I said so.

Today has been rough. I don't really like who I am today.  In fact, if I met me for the first time, I wouldn't be very impressed or feel like I wanted to get to know that person at all.  Today is rough because I am in day three of migraine hell. 

I woke up knowing that it would probably not be a great day.  I'm in a drug study and the meds tend to wear off the week leading up to the new injection. (My next injection is tomorrow.) It's slated to rain and the barometric pressure started dropping last night. The perfect storm.

I planned an easy morning.  I slept in, got up and had coffee with breakfast. I tried to read a little bit, but the book is on my tablet.  It felt like the light was poking little pinpoint holes into my head.

Then I got ready to pick up the kids from a friend's house so that we could go to a movie with a group of friends.  I was short with the kids and snapped at them. Sometimes there was a reason, but mostly there wasn't.

The movie was good, but it seemed like every time I opened my mouth I had only negative things to say to my friend. I eventually decided that it was just better to shut up than to keep sounding so________ (add in your own negative adjective, it'll fit.)

I declined heading over to my friend's home afterwards.  I still had to vote and I knew I wouldn't be good company.

I stopped at the bank. I met the assistant manager.  I hate meeting new people when I'm sick.  I don't have any sparkle.  It’s like someone applied the "ugly" filter to me.

Then I went to vote.  I couldn't even make sense of the names on the ballot.  The florescent lights were drilling huge holes into my head directly behind my eyes.  Normally,  I love kids.  Today there were two children while I was voting that I wanted to gag and tie down.  I was almost crying by this time. I regretted no choosing a booth with a seat because I was beginning to feel nauseous and like I was going to pass out. I'm embarrassed to say that I ended up having to text someone to help me vote.

Then I got home and sat in the dark.  I made some food since I know that often times I forget to eat when I'm in pain and it makes it worse.  My husband came home and had to ask me to repeat everything that I was saying. I guess I speak softly when I'm in Migraineland.

And now, I've been sent to my room.

Not that I would honestly rather be anywhere else but on migraine days, my room equals defeat.  Being in my room is me admitting that I can't do it; I can't function.  Truthfully, I wasn't functioning very well to begin with.  I was rude, negative, un-sparkly, and totally unproductive all because I was in pain.

 On days like today I feel like a useless member of the human race.  I know tomorrow will be better, but right now I'm in my pity party room for one wishing feverently that today would be over.

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