Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Scent of a (Desperate) Man

I have smelled that desperate scent on a woman. It is intangible but you can feel it all the same when she walks into a room. She is dying to get married. And I've often wondered two things:

  1. OMG, do I ever do that?
  2. If I can detect it, what kind of vibe must the men be getting?

Well for the first time the other night, I got that off a guy.

I have to admit that I thought it was a female thing...you know the whole biological clock, our ovaries are shutting down, we have to wear the white dress NOW. I thought it was part psychological and part physiological. I am from the last generation of women where it still seems an essential right of passage to get married. I am right in the middle of two opposing groups; I am part of the transitional group, so to speak. The generation older than me thought and thinks that getting married is necessary. It is part of how they define womanhood. The generation younger than me believes that they can take it or leave it. They can be married or they can be just as happy single, but walking down the aisle is no longer a forgone conclusion. Now I'm talking strictly about American women. If you've grown up in another culture, the generations where this happen are different. For example, my cousin is technically in the same generation as I and she behaves with the norms from the generation that is older than us. (Although maybe that is also because my generation is sort of split on the subject?) Anyway, now about the man...

So this guy contacts me and we talk a couple of times. He really wanted to meet, but we couldn't fit it in before he had to go overseas. We agreed that we would meet when he returned. Now here is what happened. I'm trying to decipher if I missed the signs all together or if they really did creep up on me.

If you haven't noticed from the previous post, I'm a little bit of a throwback. This is the premise that this guy used to contact me. He said that we had this in common and that he shared the same ideas about romance. Once we did speak on the phone he was persistent in his efforts to see me. Looking back, I think that the only reason he didn't press harder the night before he left on his trip was because the roads were awful. We did have one lengthy phone call that same night and I imagined that I wouldn't hear from him until he returned.

He called me on the way to the airport to say goodbye and to tell me that he looked forward to meeting me. He then called me twice from (literally) the other side of the world. He then called the day he got home and asked what time we were going out. He called a couple of other times too, but those were the ones that stuck out.

So finally we meet.

We met at a bar for a drink and he wanted to hug me right off the bat....then he wanted to kiss me in public and kept insisting until I gave him a kiss on the cheek. (I now realize I should have stood my ground, but that is another post another day.) It was okay. I wasn't bowled over or super impressed, but I like to give it a fair shot to see if I'm missing anything. We agreed that we should get together again sometime. I thanked him for the drink and that was that.

So he calls on Monday and asks when he can see me again. Then he calls on Wednesday for plans that night. Then he calls on Thursday for plans that night. So on Thursday, I tell him that I am a planner and I'm really not good with on the spot plans. I say that I really do better with a couple days notice and that; for example, I already have my weekend planned. I haven't heard from him since Thursday.

Not that I'm crying over it, but apparently he wanted an instant girlfriend. He told me over drinks how he was ready to get married and start a family. I just didn't realize that he meant Monday morning.

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