Friday, July 2, 2010

What a Difference a Day Makes

So on the heels of our declarations, DF and I had our first misunderstanding. I went from being blissfully happy to a raving lunatic within a matter of hours.

I have to admit that I handled the whole thing rather poorly. Oh, I rallied at the end of the day, but during the breakdown of communication; I sucked. I sucked so badly that my friend actually told me that I was forbidden from calling him or going over because he couldn’t see the “crazy” me quite so early in the relationship. I actually don’t think I would have gone quite so overboard if it wasn’t that time of the month. Not that this is a defense, but it definitely plays into my emotional make-up.

Of course things are “fine” now. Again, DF has proven that he is exceptional among men. And while things are “fine, they still don’t feel quite “right.”

You see, DF is going through some big changes and apparently needs some space to process.

If we were further along in the relationship, I’m sure this wouldn’t bother me quite as much as it does. But I miss him. I miss our long talks and our time together and when we did finally speak last night; it felt sort of strained.

I hope that when we are further along, we will have better lines of communication. It is not that he doesn’t communicate well, but that it comes too late sometimes which leaves me sad and confused.

The other fallout from all of this is that now I’m feeling a little more guarded. I’m nervous about seeing him tonight, but it’s not the butterflies-in-my-stomach-because-I-can’t-wait-to-see-him feeling. It’s more like, I’m nervous because I’m not sure how tonight is going to go. I don’t know quite what to expect. I’m a planner and since I don’t know what to expect, I don’t know what to plan; or maybe more aptly, what to plan for.

Logically, I know that everything is going to be fine. I know that things will get back on track. But emotionally I’m a little sad that real life had to throw such a curve ball in the beginning of our relationship and leave me feeling so unsure of what is going on.

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